If I ask you the most commonly said word........

If I ask you the most commonly said word today……………………………you will immediately say “Love”.
It’s an integral part of those three miraculous words which keep one swinging through heaven to hell & again hell to heaven, in a euphoric world. And these magical words are” I Love You”. But now a days, it is being given tough competition by an another word, which has been continuously shaking its throne & no far from being a winner, so ladies & gentlemen, hold your breath, for the most promising, heartthrob & debutant actor “Depression”. Yeah it is.

The recent studies have shown that “I am very depressed now days” is the second most common sentence used after “I Love You”. So, Today, I would try to find out “The making of a star aka Depression”. What are those key factors which make one feels depressed”.

First of all, what is Depression, where has this virus come from? Are not we trying to find an escape in its form to defer fighting against odds???

With out leaving any possibility, lets remove this ‘dirty’ word, if not from Oxford & Cambridge, at least from our own dictionary of thoughts & actions. It is in itself such a depressing word which confines us in a prison of Failure, Agony, Suffering & Tension, which are very “FAST”, quickly make you slave & life hell as every day you are being forced to watch those Indian Art movies which their directors even couldn’t dare to watch once

So, it is being replaced by “I am feeling low” from today onwards. What should I do to overcome “I am feeling low “????????

This question is constantly jumbling in my mind, body & soul & not letting me to feel good at all. WHAT SHOULD I DO???????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Solution is simple: Why am I feeling low, WHY????? , Should I really do this….or Am I misunderstanding the entire story????????

There are four main key factors: (see the inverted pyramid of these four factors on the basis of their contribution in ‘the making of star’.)

1. Comparisons.
2. Illusions.
3. Jealousy.
4. Defeat.

1. Comparison

Usually, we set the parameters of our success on others successes. We do commit the biggest mistake by comparing ourselves with the success of our friends, relatives, colleagues, siblings & others.

He is drawing the package of 8.5 lakhs & I draw only 5.5, so “I am feeling very low” & will not consider myself successful until I touch that golden figure. He would be my classmate, with same degree, so how can he, if he can then why can’t I.

Do we ever ask ourselves…. If he were drawing the package of 7 only, would not have I been a fool to long for only 7 lakhs then, infact at that time too, I should have had an aim to reach at 8.5lakhs or more & work for it. Shouldn’t I. Yeah I should.

We should set our goals keeping in mind our own abilities & strive to achieve them one by one & finally become the winner of “Golden Boats” as the highest goal scrorer like Rolando …..

How can I compare my success on the basis of my acquaintances’ success?

I & My friend Akhilesh got married at the gap of 3 months approx. (me later), interestingly, both were planning baby just after that …..Akhilesh was the proud father even before his first marriage anniversary, infact they were now three to celebrate with others while I was still struggling.

Now, I should have felt myself unsuccessful, low, good for nothing (even for this), lots of laughs... Only because of Akhilesh, should I myself question about my own masculinity or let others to do so…No, never, I was not fool to think all that. What a comparison!!! Wow….

There are lots of other factors which decide your success & make you an achiever. Your qualification, company, friend-circle may be the same, but there are some unique qualities in you, your timing, spirit, will-power which actually create the diffence in long run.

I couldn’t start earning even a penny till I jumped in 28th year of my life. I would sulk a lot after comparing myself with my contemporaries who had started on time & earned millions till then. One day, Brijesh, who was one of them came up to me & said he has been having severe losses in his real-estate business & needs to start any new business soon to pay his debts. His worlds” I have to start from scratch again & I have reached on the same place where I started from” were more than enough to show his deep grief. That instantly reminded me of my favorite childhood game i.e. “Snakes & Ladders”. So true. Sometimes, life takes a moment only to throw you up in to the horizon…………full of surprises only demands “Please be a sport & keep playing with perseverance”. 

That incident disillusioned me forever. If Brijesh has to start from scratch, I touch his level suddenly
not by promotion but by his demotion unfortunately, it means, no body is leading or lagging, it’s just a matter of phase in this life which is an unpredictable game of ‘Snakes & ladders’ throughout.

Life is like ‘snakes & ladders’ game, you never know when will you jump…..it’s up or down that depends….

God, I request you to please don’t give Tarang so much money, success & always keep me ahead of him by at least some lakhs rupees. This is what keeps bothering Ankit 24x7.

God, I request you to please give all the ecstasy of life to Tarang & always keep me ahead of him. This keeps Ankit enjoying 24x7.

The above two statements are not very much different to each other but their meanings & lessons are.

One’s strength is determined on the basis of opponent’s power. Any lion can kill the deer but not a lion.
‘Vishwanathan Anand’ is one of the top chess champions because he has defeated ‘Garry Kasparov’ not because of any Tom dick & Harry. One has to necessarily beat the best to be ‘The best’.

 Losing to best leaves you better, losing to better leaves you good & to good leaves you an ordinary person.

So, God, make all my opponents/competitors prosperous, powerful, bankable & best but please give me an edge. This is a true, healthy comparison good for all bad for none.

We can never point one as Best a “Benchmark “rest of the things to be compared with. Bill Clinton emerged as a very promising president from mere a governor & considered as the one of the bests until Obama came who is being portrayed as the best of bests till date. But actually his legacy will soon be passed on to the better than Obama & so on. M.F Hussein, an eminent painter may be the pioneer in his field but he is not invincible.

The parameters are redefined by the successors, so be a successor rather than just a predecessor.

Draw your own line rather than darkening of others to create an Identity.”

2. Illusion

“I study a lot I know that & will clear the I.A.S examination this year. I had started preparation for the Interview even before the pre-liminary examination. But I couldn’t clear pre-liminary even” Aanand said with misty eyes.

“I had bat, ball & their God with me through out to take lessons from but struggled to score one century even a secured position in national team & failed “-Rohan Gavaskar must have sulked while staring towards sky thinking he wanted to be one of the stars.

I am going to propose Anushka on this valentine’s day, so I have already bought a beautiful pink colored Apple’s i-pod for her & stored all the Pink –Floyd’s songs which she likes with the Titanic’s song “My heart will go on” as the first one. Rimi, I am telling you she will be floored & surprised as she puts the ear-phones & I play the same song. Imagine the scene :

I kneel down & lipsing “Every night in my dreams I see you……. & proposing her with a pink rose in my right hand while holding her left hand in front of Barista ‘s door, She will not be able to decline, Shubham wanted to hold that moment but got himself shaken very badly on D-day said Rimi. 

We never try to recognize our limitations or qualities .Instead always want to live in our own world where “ I am the best, winner , most handsome & omnipotent super human….so on.”or “I am of no use, good for nothing, bizarre personality, no body likes me, want to kill myself…..so on.”

So, when reality hits, we deny accepting the fact that our palace of illusionary dreams has collapsed. Could not we have made a home which is standing tall on the pillars of our strengths & abilities???

In all the above three cases, One thing is common i.e. Illusion.

Did, Aanand have that minimum amount of required potential or did he really touch the threshold level of study or have the proper guidelines to study???….If “yes “ is the answer then Aanand should not worry at all, better luck next time, but If “No” is the answer then Aanand my friend come out of your illusionary word to face the reality as soon as possible otherwise they will stab in your back as it
is inevitable.

Why should Rohan have to be a legend like his father? Couldn’t have he performed like a normal average player ??? I don’t know why people live in this illusion that a son has to wear his father shoes only even of same size; this unjustifiable pressure surely must have not let him to play his natural game ever & led his debacle.

Did Shubham ever analyze the situation that what type of guy Anushka is expecting in her life as a beau, does he match to those criteria or Does he try to be that guy or stubbornly remained the same person whom she wouldn’t like earlier too??? If “No” then Shubham you can’t expect other person to change her perceptions for you when you yourself don’t want to be flexible at all.

If “Yes” then you don’t fit in to her frame at all which doesn’t mean that no frame is made for you, may be a new even better frame is waiting for you to complete the picture.

Life is an Olympic event where one is free to choose which ever game one wants to pursue. One needs to recognize one’s own strength where one feels oneself most comfortable with, something that comes to you naturally, choose that game only to excel & come out as winner. Phelps won eight gold medals in the Olympic 2008 & became the highest scorer till date. He found himself comfortable with swimming only & followed it. His extra-ordinary anatomy made him to feel so & played a very crucial role to even beat those who must have equally worked hard as his but lacked that anatomical feature. If Phelps had not recognized his ability to swim, his anatomical gift which he developed as his ability would have been a complete waste otherwise.

Same way, we do have so many hidden features or I would say God’s gifts which only need to be explored. Like some have gift of writing, some have of speaking, humor, convincing people, playing sketching etc.Only a suitable direction has to be chosen to use these gifts respectively.

“Abilities are hidden gems which need to be dug out to be polished & shine your world.”

3. Jealousy

Friends I am very fond of jealousy. It’s a very sweet energy booster. I feel jealous a lot of all those who do better than me & are achievers. As ‘Records are meant to be broken’ so are achievers. It means it’s not my fault if I despise them.

I would keep despise them because it relieves me intensely & keeps my mind moving in weaving lots of plans to let them down at least whom I can reach to. Although I enjoy a lot in this but sometimes when I retrospect, I find myself with no gain at all. Why should not I try to gain out of it too if I am not loosing???

Piyanka was constantly staring on Shingini’s outfit in their farewell party in “Mischief” pub. She really liked that but couldn’t have afforded & wanted to get that at any cost. So, she walked up to her slapped tightly & started tearing that dress …Did you expect that? no. liar…But Piyanka did exactly opposite, complimented her & got a photograph clicked with her.
She went to her boutique with that photograph & got that dress stitched almost same but in a cheaper fabric, Anjali remembers while being nostalgic.

As Anjali narrated that story it immediately compelled me to think about “Miss Universe 1994 Sushmita Sen”. She got all her outfits, she wore even in finals, stitched by that tailor who resided on the ground floor of her flat. Even the black gloves, she flaunts when she conquered the title in Phillipine, were actually socks she wore in hands, interesting isn’t??????? Had she been consumed with jealousy for her opponents, wouldn’t have been a personality thousands of girls looked up to for inspiration today.

Have you ever thought about the life of Body–doubles or Duplicates? How they accept the fact
so gracefully & make their livelihood by imitating the originals.

The crux is ‘instead of being jealous, we must try to achieve the same we are jealous of.Although, we know this art by birth but forget it & destroy by contaminating jealousy in it. Just remember a child, how he learns so many things so fast & sharply just by imitating his father, mother, teacher, siblings whom he admires & wants to be like them. The way he eats, sleeps, laughs, speaks, writes, & many other daily routine activities are so similar to them. Reason being, still he doesn’t know what is jealousy, he simply wants to achieve that what he appreciates & thus imitate to learn them as soon as possible. 

Have not we been the same child once who knew the art of learning & growing in life???????????????

The moment, jealousy replaces appreciation, the learning process starts slowing down & dies eventually. Appreciation makes you more receptive & attractive to grab while jealousy makes you repulsive & ugly to be grabbed.

Try to imitate the person you want to be like, with full appreciation because if he has achieved what you want to, he deserves that appreciation. Once we start following his routine, actions, life style & finer nuances, wouldn’t we be having even 10 percent chances to achieve what he has as he too has been following the same what we have started now from a while??? We will.

“The Art of Learning: Appreciate first then imitate”

4. Defeat

There is a famous saying: “You defeat only when you stop trying”. But I don’t believe in it. How can I try repeatedly without getting the results. It sucks. Yeah, I mean it.

‘I have always faced defeat in each & every case whether it was love, profession or money. I always longed what I wanted for, while Sam always succeeded in all he ever tried for ‘were the some sad words of immensely frustrated John. I could feel his pain which was constantly oozing out of his eyes to stop unquenchable thirst of his life which required saline water only.

I asked him Sam’s address & left to meet him. Sam really seemed well established had a crawling mansion which was drawing me in furiously with its inimitable beauty. Since, John had already told him about my visit so he greeted me very amiably & took very little time to be personal with me.

At one moment, I too envied his king size life, but his one sentence was sufficient enough to make me realize my mistake. I filled all holes came in my life to stop but failed miserably to fill that hole which engulfed all ecstasy of my life. And this monstrous hole found his refuge in my only son’s heart’ & Sam burst out. At least, John has a loving son & lives happily’…. Sam stops.

This incidence compelled me to think what is there to win which can make me the ultimate winner in life or the Don Brad Man of life. But it left me more confused only. What is the criterion of absolute happiness?

Michael, King of pop, once confessed in an interview that ‘I am a very very lonely person’, which is obviously very difficult to digest from the mouth of a person who has got millions of fans to die for.

When one says ‘yeah, I am the happiest person’??? Still, I am finding out…if you meet one then please let me know.

John considers himself a looser, Sam a winner & vice-versa.

Life is a consistently happening game, full of innings which you will win hundreds of times & might loose thousands. So, we should not wait for the result to come rather try to play the game with full sporting spirit to enjoy & learn more tactics to win the next inning if not this thus keep improving our game.
Shelly wants to abandon life & is becoming reclusive with each day. Her beau keeps suspecting her of 
cheating on him. She feels as a looser. But what has she lost??? Actually, she has gained the true feelings of love, a state of meditation when ones heart & mind, both work in absolute synchronization
towards a single aim/thought through out night & day, really a spiritual experience. She is crying for that thing which was never hers. Was she a pauper before meeting him? Infact, she is being lost by him. So, it is his defeat.

In my very first affair, I was so much excited/anxious for being physical with my sweet girl friend who was sweet nineteen that time. I couldn’t enjoy even a single smooch as would think only about making love with her all the time. Neither could I enjoy smooch nor did I get the chance to make love. But, I was not a fool for next time, I enjoyed every moment without even worrying for next day.

We can stay away thousands of miles from our loved one & cherish those memories even on knowing that we can’t meet him/her for years, but if death becomes the separator, then we can’t endure even a moment. Because, the mere thought of not being able to see that person anymore doesn’t let one to control his emotions. It shows, the ‘end-result’ decides how we perceive that particular situation & deal with it.
When it (end-result) was mere ‘separation’, then glee was there but when’ death’ then only pain resided.

Similarly, most of the times we worry for ‘end-result’ through out & loose the true essence of game.
Can’t a player of defeated team be ‘Man of the match’, if yes, then why do you want to minimize the possibility of being ‘Man of the series’ by continuously worrying of so-called ‘end-result’. Play your natural game with full grit & positive ness to come out with flying colors.

Live in moments. Squeeze them till last drop. A smoker perfectly exemplifies this concept. In spite of all warnings & knowledge, he doesn’t give a damn & keep enjoying each drag at its fullest as it’s the last one. So Live each moment as it’s the only one left while knowing this fact ‘Life is a fluke, not be taken seriously.’

“Defeat or win gets decided in end only, before that, if not winner, I am not the loser too.”