Give Me Your Pain
Hi Friends! This is your ĎPain friendí
Can we be friends? I know we can.

I donít need your penny but pain, your pain is power for me to return you pleasure.

Friends, pain is a slow poison. The longer it stays in body, more it damages. It kills us physically, mentally & emotionally, I mean complete devastation. Vent out your pain.

So, first of all, we must pour it out of the body. But the problem is, where can we pour it out when not a single person is ready to hear us? And how can we do it?

Give me your pain.

Pour the pain out until its last drop. It might take some weeks, months to be pain free but be patient because what has been accumulated in our heart in months & years will take its sweet time to be drained out. This universe/nature is the ocean for pleasure & a black hole for pain. The moment, it comes out of you, sublimates in to this universe, to achieve equilibrium as soon as possible.

So, friends, give me your pain unhesitatingly, Itís absolutely confidential, will be shared with world only after your consent.

Below are some sublimated pains:

Why only am I assumed to support entire family at the cost of my happiness? Is it my fault if my father died in a road accident, left family of four where I am the only male member & earn a meager amount?

What is fun, festival & friends, I don’t know because everything requires money & time, and I don’t have any. What I know is that I have to earn money to meet both the ends anyhow.

I am barely 20, & have family which is in very crucial stage to support all alone.

When all my friends are focused to make their career, I am struggling to find odd jobs to manage as much money as I can but end up with small amount only since this world doesn’t pay for hard work only for skilled work.

I know, I will die like this struggling & struggling one day because these responsibilities are much bigger than my small shoulders, will crush me below them ruthlessly eventually.

I am finished.

My parents don’t like my girlfriend whom I want to marry. Ever since, I revealed them about her they don’t speak to me properly. I do cry alone in lonely nights; don’t have any shoulder to cry on.

I have always been an introvert, recluse who finds it extremely difficult mingling with others. Due to this, I have never had any friend in my life. This girl came in my life one year back as a God’s grace, may be as an answer of my all complaints I made to HIM ever.

They have always been extremely supportive to all my decisions in life so far, always gone out of the way. But, they don’t understand this at all, infact they don’t want to.

I am the only child, have spent my life with myself only. They would go to their jobs while I used to play with furniture & talk with walls after returning from school. This is the reason I guess somewhere they felt guilty & pampered me with extra love, toys & by fulfilling my desires

I couldn’t have imagined in my dreams that I can find such a lovable girl who loves me more than I do. But they are not ready to understand this at all.

You are still not mature enough to decide who the right & wrong person for you is” is their permanent answer for my millions of requests to meet her at least once before reaching any conclusion. They are adamant not to even hear her.

Neither can I live with out her nor can I live with out my parents.

I have lived my life deprived of such affection which a girl can shower only. Now, when I have got that, entire world is against me, wants to snatch her away.

Whom can I share my pain with? She is very strong girl, she can live with out me I know that. She will not wait for me; will marry someone else if I don’t assure her of marrying soon.

I am stuck in between my parents & my love. It’s my defeat on both fronts, if I go in either direction. At one side is “duty of my life” while on other side is “love of my life”.

I am losing both, parents & my love. “God, if love was not in my fate, then why did You send her in my life????”

I feel to end my life as everybody disrespects me. I am considered “good for nothing”.

What ever I do initially seems quite promising but later evolves as complete disaster. I have tried total fives types of business for wasting a hefty amount of hard earned money of my father. I have been struggling to make my devastated career for the last 10 years but for further damage. All my peers, friends have grown much ahead in life, settled for years, where I have to start everything from scratch again & again. I am now more than 15 years behind them.

What can I do if nothing favors me neither my luck nor hard work. I have been tagged as jinxed & called as “Panuti

My Daddy doesn’t want to hear any business proposal of mine anymore. Infact, he and family don’t give me a damn if I give my opinion on any issue now. I have been proved an incompetent, incapable shirk openly.

I have realized this very clearly if you are not able to earn money your own family discards you and wife is that first person to do so.

Are they wrong? I don’t think so. Had I been their place, would have behaved same way perhaps. Life belongs to winners, begging belongs to losers.

I will not be able to stand for long time; I would love to die rather begging every penny from my father.

At 31, when my friends have managed individual flats of their own, I am struggling to buy a fan.

Asking money for even smallest thing does rape my self-esteem & I don’t have any option except being raped everyday.

Since, I have been suffering from O.C.D (Obsessive Compulsive disorder), I am the subject of mockery for everyone even for strangers too.

I am a mobile ‘joke’.I am just butt of every joke. If my eyes blink abnormally faster, frequently & left shoulder shakes itself often all of a sudden repeatedly, what is that much disturbing in this? These both are involuntary movements, not in ones control like heart beat.

But, I am held culprit for this. Alright, if I do this, what have others had to do with it? It’s my body, my life. I am not asking anything from anyone, infact, I have been enduring this unsolicited pain with out complaining.

But no, people have to intrude in it, to make my situation worse. When somebody stares or laughs at me, makes me restless & then the frequency of these movements gets doubled. My school life, college life was hell as if someone didn’t get anything to laugh; they would start making joke of me.

God, I hate You. If You didn’t love me why did You make me then????

What do I do by living such a pitiable life? I am a shame to my innocent parents. Although, I do pretend I am a brave son but I have been torn deep up to soul.

God, there is a limit for everything. You might be powerful, omnipotent but can dictate only until I am alive. If I end this miserable life, You are finished, You can do nothing then. You exist till I acknowledge Your existence.

I am not depressed, I am shocked, totally disgusted with Your World God where such injustice happened by You to maintain Your dominance.

I reject this universe & going to suicide soon to end Your fun.

Papa, I am nothing with out you. My life ended on that day when you left me all alone in this butcher- world.

Son, you don’t worry till the time I am alive, this world can’t touch you with out your permission.” used to be his words whenever I felt despondent.

His words would wash away my all worries in next instant. He used to love me most among all siblings. He was my best friend & true confidant.

I had never seen this side of world which is so harsh & rude. He never let this side to touch me.

I can’t tackle this world with out him. I don’t feel myself capable enough to survive without his guidance.

What do I do now? I am weak; he was the strongest supporting pillar for me.

“You don’t have to worry much because of having a sound financial condition & elder brothers. Just focus on your studies.” is the sentence said by everyone.

Can money pat on my back if I score maximum marks in maths? 
Can money wipe my tears out if my girl friend ditched me down?
Can money go out to watch movie with me?
Can money plan a surprise B’day party for me?
Can money swim with me in swimming pool?
Can money play chess with me to loose every time?
Can money teach me how to drive car?
Can money put 1000Rs more in my pocket with out letting my mother know while leaving for an excursion with friends?
Can money play with firecrackers with me on Diwali?
Can money sleep with me when I watched a late night horror movie?
Can money wake you up on examination day when your alarm failed to do so?
Can money drape you blanket fallen on floor in the wee hours when you are sleeping coiled due to cold?
Can money switch off your room light which you left on after falling asleep while studying?
Can money come to know about your fever before you?
Can money drop a tear when you met an accident?
Can money give you a hug???

Papa, please come back otherwise I will be crushed in this cruel world.

I am a 14 year old girl, with average looks, lean figure & wheat-ish complexion. I can’t talk with boys at all, get scared to hell.

I know I am an unattractive girl whom boys don’t feel to talk with. They like bubbly, flamboyant & happening girls who do wear shorts & revealing clothes. But, I am not that type, don’t like all this gimmicks.

Actually, I too want to be like them but don’t have that much courage. I have always, suppressed myself, taken back seat whole life. If I have to put my views in front of anyone, its scares me, makes me fumble, draws everybody’s attention towards me to further worsen my condition.

I get depressed whenever I see my class-mates presenting themselves so confidently & effectively. My self-confidence is very low & so is self-esteem. I find myself misfit for this world, should have been born in 60’s when life was simpler & slower.

I can’t run with the pace of this time & compete with anyone. I am not made like that

I have surrendered. I am that warrior who has been recruited forcefully. I don’t have any charm & hope now to have had a good life like others.

I really have lost the battle before it begins.

My father is a drunker, doesn’t save single penny for family, and burns all his income in to alcohol. My mother is a very simple, less educated home-maker lady who can’t go out to earn. We have been surviving with our grand-parents on their assets & relative’s alms to be poorer with each day financially as well as socially.

Now, our relatives have started refraining from inviting us in their parties & functions as they are afraid meeting us means more loss of their money. Somewhere it helps us in escaping heart-breaking humiliation as we can’t manage a single pair of decent clothes to attend a party.

My father does enter home late in night & beats all of us, me, my mother & sister in frustration religiously. Being a lean, weak 13 year old boy, I can’t do anything except seeing his monstrous act helplessly.

Our studies have stopped 4 months back due to fee non-deposition. The condition of mother is most critical. She bears all the pain, never complains about any thing except our halted studies.

“My children’s future will be ruined irretrievably. I can stand everything happily but not this. Their life will be hell. It’s my duty to provide them at least good education. Please do something.” She pleads with my grand parents everyday but get their weak, helpless tears in return.

Our life is complete dark devoid of any hope. We are shattered. I am seeing my mother pretends tough superficially only to give us courage to fight but dying internally every moment.

“Don’t worry children, nothing is permanent, this rough phase too shall pass.” are her words which proves she is an amazing actor.

I don’t know how this phase will pass as there is no ray of hope from anywhere. I have only one fear now that there will be no family then till I will be capable to support it.

My son has broken all my dreams which I & my wife wove through out our life with great pride & right. He has broken our trust.

He didn’t think about us at all & declared all of a sudden one day he is moving to U.S for pursuing Post graduation diploma & will come back with in a year. That one year has stretched in to seven years.

I & my wife are alone in this world as he is our only child. We regret now our decision of having one baby only since we wanted to give him the best of our capabilities. I don’t know where we lacked in looking after him to have such difficult time.

Time never changes alone it changes everything around itself. And this change is not favorable for everyone. We have been those unfortunate ones.

Now he has his own family & this world runs in this way. New people come in life to replace older ones.

That affection, love, care get diluted as is shared with other new members.

I understand that but how come our bond of 25 years with him is weaker than his bond of 3 years with his family, is indigestible.

We can’t go there because of huge cultural difference & we have spent almost whole life here in our country. And he can’t come here due to lot of issues. 

I understand his compulsions but this heart doesn’t. It feels duped.

We performed our duty as parents as per best of our capabilities, Is he performing his own as son, I don’t know.

Life doesn’t have heart only brain, keeps running like a robot irrespective of one’s agony or ecstasy, I knew this, had seen others’ but same will be ours too had not visualized ever.

Life is living us, there is no joy left at all, & now it’s not possible for me & my wife to trust anyone in this world.

Her phone sounds busy whenever I call her in night unlike earlier. Every time I ask, she always gives me illogical unacceptable reasons which further make her stand dicey.

Now, she doesn’t care about me, whether I am angry or sad, it doesn’t affect her at all. She takes me for granted, knows very well that she is my weakness.

I feel I am an unwanted, a burden in her life which she is not being able to get rid of.

Losing love is painful but seeing your love with someone else is penetrating, but seeing your love happy with another guy rips you apart every second.

I am, getting emotionally drained every day more than previous day &, afraid, one day I will remain mere a walking dead person with no emotions.

I have cried for her in nights, she knows that but in vain. Earlier she would pick my call but now she ignores me very brutally, cuts my call.

I can endure all pain but my family is tremendously distraught due to my pathetic condition & annoying behavior. My studies have shut; I know I am going to fail in my M.B.A final year examinations.

Nevertheless, I can’t imagine my life with out her.

Being an energetic, ambitious software professional, when everything was going fine, I was, doing great in both personal, professional front &, about to get married in next six months, I had the biggest blow of my life.

One Sunday, after taking bathe, while drying my hair in front of mirror, I noticed a small white patch on inner side of my neck. I was petrified & without letting anybody know ran to a dermatologist who diagnosed it a disease called as “Vitiligo”. This is almost incurable disease where de-pigmentation of skin starts anywhere all of a sudden which keeps spreading & eventually engulfs entire body & makes one’s skin extremely white.

Since, these small two three patches were not visible to anyone yet, I was praying to God to heal this deadly disease up there only. I couldn’t have afforded this disease for a long time as my marriage-date was not very far & there was a huge risk if boy side came to know about it ever since we would reside in the same area.

So, to avoid any such possibility, I consulted to the specialist of another city.

I was having the best treatment, spending money like water to get rid off this as soon as possible. My parents were equally tensed providing me full support both financially & emotionally. With the grace of God & parents’ wishes, in 2 months only, treatment showed its effect & those white patches which were earlier enlarging had now begun being squeezed & getting darker with each week to match up with my original skin shade faster than my anticipation.

I thanked God millions times for being more than kind.

Marriage preparations were picking pace with each day now as I wanted to get everything done well before on time. I was in a boutique, giving final trial to my bridal-dress with the help of designer who pointed out some sort of skin allergic spot on the upper side of neck. My heart skipped a beat; I tried to remain calm but couldn’t, ran away from that place. Life had come to a halt all over again.

Each step was towards home was killing me thousands deaths. I told everything to my parents for their plight. My Dad asked to me to reveal about everything to the boy side but my mother was not in this favour.

“No body will marry a girl suffering form such disease. Let marriage happen, we would get such a bridal dress stitched which will cover the patches up to your neck & rest will be managed by make-up & foundation.

Later you pretend this to boy as you too noticed them first time” were my mother’s words which scared & galvanized me at the same time.

It was still one & half month left, we decided to see the result of medication for another 15 days & then make the final decision whether to reveal or not.

In next fifteen days, I did whatever I could do, fuelled all my savings which I dreamt to splurge in honeymoon, to get quick result but to be more torn only.

I couldn’t have borne this burden anymore & one night as we both would talk regularly, I disclosed him about it.

He was shocked quite obviously, was not sure what to do, wanted to discuss with family but his optimistic words were great help “Baby, It can happen to anyone. What if it had happened after marriage, so don’t worry, let’s consult to best cosmetologist.”

When I told about it to my parents, my dad supported me for my honesty & boy’s maturity & we were now waiting their reply.

Although, we would speak every night but he didn’t receive my call for next 4 days & on fifth’s morning, he called me up.

“Siya, It can happen to anyone but why should it happen with my wife. Sorry, we have decided to break the alliance” were his last words I heard ever after.

He didn’t break the alliance; he broke me, my confidence, my faith, my parents, my family, my world just before 17 days of my marriage.

11th Oct’11, Today would have been my marriage, if if if………………………………

My heart is being ripped apart, dream to become a wife has been crushed forever with a white spot appeared on my nose today.

I am living for my parents, they are for me & why are we three living is the question we ask everyday but to ourselves only not to each other.

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