If dying everyday is life, I am living then

Being a woman in this male –dominated world is one challenge, living life of a divorced woman is another & being a divorced young mother of a girl child is an open invitation to all kind of attacks by this shameless, barbaric world.

I can’t say even ‘I don’t want to live’ because I will have to live for my daughter & bear all the shit. But it doesn’t mean I don’t have any complaint with life.

The meaning of being divorced for a man & woman is different in Indian society. Where its mere dissolution of marriage for man, it is much & much more for a woman. 

A divorced woman is seen as a ‘public property’ by every one whether young bachelor, married or old man, doesn’t miss a chance to tear my soul by various obscene means.

Whenever it happens, ‘I cut myself’. It gives me instant relief; the pain oozes out along with my blood. I do dress & make up the way so that a stranger can’t guess about my ‘vulnerable status’ to take ride on me.

Although, I do come across as a strong woman but internally, I am losing my strength, finding it difficult to fight against this world everyday, all alone.

My daughter is my weakness as well as my strength at the same time. She gives me the reason to live but not by choice.

God, is it fair? Isn’t it a torture? 
If you had lived a woman’s life then only You could realize my deplorable situation.

My social-life is pain, I can’t fulfill the responsibilities of a father. Now I am afraid about my six year daughter’s future who has begun asking me about her father. My income is not sufficient enough as I am not professionally educated, was a simple home-maker.

These cuts on my arms, legs are evidences of each attack on my dignity directly. With each cut, some pain spurts out of my body along with blood but unfortunately I don’t have that much blood.

If dying everyday is life, I am living then.