My son committed suicide but I don't know why

He was such a brilliant student; his teachers would feel proud of him.

Though, we couldn’t provide him the best of facilities, the best tuition, bike to save his study time like his peers, Air conditioner & were always disheartened about it, but it didn’t make any difference in his performance through out as school topper.

“Mummy, you worry unnecessarily .One day I will reach to that height, none of these riches will be able to touch me even.”

I never wanted him to reach such height where no can reach him not even us. That day when he cracked his dream competition examination, his one & only aim in life, he was coming after seeing his result in near by cyber café, running, screaming on road “ Mummy , Mummy , I made it , I made it.

He hugged me; I couldn’t believe my little son had scored All India rank 26. We were crying , my feet were not on ground, I was flying with joy, his father was eagerly waiting to hug his ‘Doctor son’ from a distance, trying to control his emotions’ spade, but I was not letting my India-topper to leave my chest.

Everything seems as just happened yesterday even after four years. He was my only son on three daughters, my only support for old age. One day, my daughters too will go away to their respective homes after getting married, whom would we stay with?

What is the purpose of our lives?

I am a woman, can cry, relieve my pain, but I am afraid about my husband who being a man has to set himself as an example of strength in front of us, doesn’t cry. He is dying inwardly slowly- slowly, we know that.

Why don’t children think about their parents even once before taking such drastic, immature step?

How can they be so selfish?

The parents who have looked after them & made them so well educated, civilized are not eligible enough to have come to know about their biggest insolvable problem of life?

Why don’t they understand that parents are their best, safest & only confidants in this world?

They don’t even bother to discuss & take this extreme step to end their life which is actually not their own completely. Every child owns only 1/3 of his life; rest 2/3 is of parents. He owes his parents 2/3 of his life.

I wish he had discussed only once about his problem I wouldn’t have let him go to this college ever. His dream became demon & swallowed my son.

It had been only six months in college, he committed suicide.

He has left us with this blame forever that we as parents were incapable to help our only son in overcoming adverse circumstances drove him to end his life.

And this blame is imposed by none other than us on ourselves. The thought, where did we lack, so that couldn’t, win his confidence, make a communication bridge, become his confidant with whom he could share his deepest, gravest secret, keeps eating us day & night every moment.

See our pitiable condition; don’t know the reason why our world was taken away from us.

I ask all the children both teenagers & adults:

Is it what you give us in return of our unconditional love & care?

You guys don’t think beyond yourself for a second. Your life, your problems, your friends, where are we?

And I request to all parents out there in any part of this earth, please & please be communicative with your children, don’t be parents only, be their fiends too whom they can gossip, laugh, conspire & lie with.

Don’t always be ‘ideal’ parents; be ‘idiot’ parents too for some time so that your child can identify with you as friends not always as a teacher.

I have lost what I can’t get back ever. This is the price I had to pay for being an ideal parent always.

If parents are first teachers, they are assumed to be the first best friend too.

Why do our children find their best friend always out side home???

This is the question we all parents must ask to ourselves & find an answer imperatively.

Being a mother, I am not going to let any mother loose her child just because of this insane act. I will fight & make parents aware of this fact which though seems trivial but affects tremendously irretrievably.

 



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